Unfamiliar Faces

I've been in many relationships before and they've all ended in their own way. Some I understood, some I didn't, but they all made sense so lately i've been sort of in a different
place because the first relationship I was truly sure about, ended without making any sense at all. When you give someone your all, you expect the same thing back and for the most part I can say that's what I got, except when it counted the most, in the end.


In a short amount of time, I can say as a person, I've done things for someone else I never pictured myself doing because it made them happy and in return, I felt happy as well and never once doubted if things were going to work out or not. I know every relationship has it's difficult moments, especially when your dealing with a long distance situation but you get past them. In fact, if you knew some of the things I went thoough in my past relationships, you would wonder how I ever made it last so long on them, because it's no fun growing up and being in a meaningful relationship at the same time, because you'll usually sacrifice the relationship in the end because you didn't grow as quick as you should have.


With this one though, I had all the bases covered, I had been through enough in life at this point to know when I should and when I shouldn't and if anything was going to go wrong, it wasn't going to be because of me. When something did go wrong though, it wasn't because of me. Sure there was an initial comment that flared up what was the usual mini argument, but that's all it was, argument. I've had those before, I can swallow my pride and get over those cause i know what's more important in the end. I've also been through the days without cmmunication and I realize that can never play out well, so after a few days with no free time because of last week of classes madness, I made the initial contact not knowing what to expect, just knowing someone had to do it. I did and we spoke, a few times that day and the first strike took place the next day when she told me she didn't want to visit anymore, which was happening in two days before everything went down.


Now seeing as how i've been through the biggest problems one could go through with a women, this little argument was just routine and we grow from it right??, wrong!!! Apparently in a few days of no talking, something says why not go talk to someone else and fall for them. This isn't me i'm talking about, this would be my former gf. Yes, in a few days of not speaking, and seemingly cooling down so we can have an adult convo and resolve things, I get replaced as if we were auditioning for the same movie role. What?!? Please tell me this is a movie, cause no part of this seems real at this point and i ask some of my friends to see if maybe it's me that's crazy. Nope, still somewhat sane by all accounts and I'm not the only one left in a state of confusion.


So what now is the question? What now?


I guess that question has already been answered because I was outcast even though I don't understand why and i'm different because of it. I have no doubt I would eventually revert back to my usual self after some time if this was an expected out come, but it wasn't and because of that, i'm not going to be the same person going forward.

What bothers me the most as a person who's been through so much is that I've learned about gaining great things or people in my life and also losing them, so it's rare that I have a chance to actually make a choice on if I want to lose someone or not, cause it's usually never your choice and if the roles were reversed, there's no way I would push away true happiness for anything or anyone, and anyone who would stand in the way of that doesn't have my best interest in mind. Anyone who would see you with another person, see you get upset over something with them and then continue to see your mood decline should be smart enough to see you came from happiness, hit a snag, and would of returned to happiness if something or someone had not stalled your progress.


Now instead of two people being completely happy together, theirs nothing but all of the wrong emotions being felt and trying to justify why you doing the wrong thing and, making the wrong decision is actually right. That's what life is about though I guess, we all try to justify our wrongs and we never win because unless we completely lack soul, conscience and every bit of feeling, it always tears us apart because were wrong. And we also try to start off new by doing something negative or going into a situation with negative actions and trying to prove that 2 wrongs can make a right. It doesn't though, it never will. I couldn't hurt someone on purpose I truly cared about and if i didn't mean to in the first place I couldn't keep on doing it once I was in control of my own actions no matter what, but not everyone thinks the same obviously, some people have no problem dishing out hurt left and right, as long as their fine, who cares who else isn't.

Later 2011, sometimes I wish I never knew you

Exxxotica, New Jersey 2011

Last weekend was this years Exxxotica expo in Edison, New Jersey. This was my third time attending the event but this time was different because I performed at it, but more on that later. There were more stars this year, more space being used up and more attendees as the attendance for the weekend was shattered with 28,000 coming to the show. I also stayed out in Jersey for the weekend and went both Friday and Saturday to the show so I had an all around long weekend experience that's hard to put into words.

If you've never been to Exxxotica, it's basically a convention celebrating the adult entertainment or porn industry, but it's really so much more than that to me. Society likes to hide the things it thinks are wrong like porn behind closed doors as if it's only for the lowest of human beings, but yet politicians, priest, school teachers, and many more people are getting caught hiding their secret desire for all things sexy, but people are lame sometimes, enough of that, back to Exxxotica.

This year was the biggest show in Jersey yet and while a lot of the stars I've seen at the show the first year didn't attend, there were no shortages of surprise stars just walking around or with their own booth, despite not being announced on the site. To name a few, I counted Vanessa Blue, Maserati XXX and Ms Marshae as not being advertised but being at the show anyway. And as far as the announced stars, you had Mary Carey, Gianna Michaels making her first NJ experience, legend Lisa Ann and up and coming Digital Playground contract star Riley Steele, not to mention the other 150 of so stars around that would be too many to put in this blog right now. All in all, if you know of a porn star or 3 from the last few years or so, they were probably there. Oh yeah, shout out to Mr Marcus, dude is cool as hell, and prob had relations with 70% of the stars at the show.

The BBW presence was in full effect this year, unlike last year which was a virtual ghost town besides 3 or so lone bbw's braving the convention. There was definitely a lot of love from these women and tons of people flocked to their section as men, especially smaller men love them some bbw's, it's just another closed door fantasy of a lot of guys, kinda like porn, but I guess if your at a porn convention, there's no use being there but still trying to hide what you like from the general public. Two favorite's of mine were meeting Sienna Hills & Superstar XXX, both very cool and down to earth and shout out to my homegirl Platinum for putting together the BBW movement and placing so many people together under one umbrella. Just be forewarned, I hope your a T&A lover and I am, because I don't think many guys can handle a true bbw but i'm sure many would like to try.

This was definitely the best show I've ever been to in 3 years and i'd like to thank all the people who made it possible but there's too many names, so i won't run them all down but shout out to Fess Gotchu, Verse Essential and Ty for holding me down and rocking the stage with me. Also, it was nice meeting or seeing some people again like Courtney Cummz, Superstar XXX, vanessa Blue and Brandy Taylor, it's always a pleasure. Until next time I have something to say, which won't take another year, I promise. i'm out. Here's some more pics and a few videos to hold you down.